Arsip Kategori: pribadi

I keep getting lonely these days.

All the memories from years ago comeback again.


It’s not the same pain,

It’s not the same scars.

It’s the new one. whit the same pain, maybe…



I don’t know since when it start,

but I keep feeling lonely and scared and worry.

I don’t know what am I worried about,

I don’t know what am I scared about,

It just happen.

Everytime I think about my life, I’m gettin sad and cry,

Everytime I think about my future, I’m tearing up.

It’s hard to tell other people,

I scared that they will scoff at me,

I scared that they will see me in a weird way,

But I think,

I neep help.






That night , I was a little bit drunk …

Then a thought passing in my head

I think I’ve fallen in love with you






One thing for sure , this is something that I can’t handle

My heart can’t handle it

It beaten faster everytime our eyes met

Your voice is the most melodious thing that I ever heard

I remember you  chuckling every time I joked

I remember every wrinkle lines that form every time you laugh


Then I realize ,

I’m a little bit drunk

so I try to throw away  that thought

the next day, when I was already sober

that thought come back

I think I’m still drunk


Then the next day , I keep thinking the same thing ..

I tried to calm myself by saying that I am still a little bit drunk

Then the next day ..

The thought that I’m fallen for you is comeback …


That was a horrible and painful thing to think about

I hope , this is not love

It just because I’m drunk


What it means to live freely ?

” Not living according to what people want ,

living according to what you have ,

living while doing what you want to do ,


not getting scolded while living like that ” .


I think ,

right now I don’t have a consciousness

I’m not aware with a reality

A reality

that we must

that we should

that we have to

that we shall

to live

“Live” in the definition of other people

“Live” with others expectation

“Live” to obey the rule

People said ,

I waste my time

I wasted an opportunity

But , I said

I’m trying to live

living with my on way

live according to my personal opinion

I just want to live

even though I’m in the unconscious state ,

at least I live on my way

I’m living my ownself

at least I feel that I’m ALIVE


If I had a chance ,

If I could be reborn ,

I want to be born without anyone beside me .

What’s the difference anyway ?

Couple years ago ,

I was born into the world

with bunch of people cherish on me ,

they’re greet me happily ,

but now ,

as time passed …

I feel like they tortured me

this family

this society

I hurt , they hurt me ,

many times  .

There’s a lot of people around me ,

but I’m lonely

It felt like , I could kill myself anytime

that word

that sentence

They hurt me everytime they talk

Their words strangle my neck

Their grin stab my heart

Their laugh shove my pride


I Living In Hell

I hide it

That pain .

I keep it , far away …

at the bottom of my heart .

That insult ,

I throw it far

That scar ,

I hide it well

That mockery ,

scattered my dream thousand times .

That hurtful words ,

destroy my soul every night


I pretend that nothing happen

I try to smile brightly ,

as bright as sunshine

I laughing hard and loud

the more I getting pain , the louder I laugh

That wound is stinging ,

but I keep and hide it well …

very well ,

so well , till I even didn’t feel hurt anymore …

I hide it so well ,

When I view at my heart ,

it was numb ,

it was die .

Then I realize ,

myself is barely breathing …

myself is trying to live again …

but I can’t

Because ,

I hide it so well